And again

The temptation to count how many times I have stopped drinking, only to fail within days (or often hours) is overwhelming. This time I am going to try and focus not on what I am giving up but what I am gaining. There has to be an upside to all this self hatred and feeling of uselessness.

So here goes:

I will be a better mum – no doubt about it, I’m not a great role model at the moment – their image of me must be in the kitchen with a glass of wine in hand. This is the same image I have of my father – suit on, whiskey in hand. Always.

I will be a better wife. Last night my lovely husband made his own supper because I couldn’t be bothered. He thought I’d already eaten with the boys, but I hadn’t – I wanted the wine to go to my head quicker. I was slurring my words by 9pm. Argumentative and aggressive. I could feel his disappointment when we went to bed.

I will feel better. I will not have any more migraines that wipe me out for two days. And I will have more energy.

I will do a better job of running my business. My mind wont be thinking about alcohol from about 4pm.

Talking of which, I must make a start.

I really hope I make it through the day.



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